The end of the year is always a time of reflection. The photos in my phone show how significantly things can change in a heartbeat.
Television view from my home on 27th December 2023- the series Good Omens
Sunset view from my home on 28th December 2024- the similarities are astounding!
Some of us are natural seekers in life, but often you do not find what you are looking for. Instead, what you need tends to find its way to you.
Jo Kirk, 2025
Whether you agree with me or not, this is my firm belief.
Something old
Eighteen months ago I bumped into a friend that I’d not seen for many years. She’d moved away and we lost touch, but an unplanned visit to Specsavers brought us unexpectedly back together again. Her infectious laugh was just the same, as was her openheartedness. She invited me to breakfast with her friend, and conversation flowed over hot coffees as if there’d never been a break.
It was that June day that I heard about their yoga group, and the spiritual focus they described sounded exactly what I needed. They invited me to join them again. Practice happened in the wood fired yurt, and with the help of our teacher guide, a kind of magic was created. Never have I been part of a yoga community that was so much about connection, healing, and growth. Oh, and cake.
At the beginning of 2024 a word appeared on the chalkboard beside the door to the yurt, setting an intention for the year.
Extraordinary
Healthy self esteem is evident when we know ourselves to be both ordinary and extraordinary, without falling to our death into the self-absorption of our egos. The word served as an invitation to each of us to live out the ‘both-and’ of an extra ordinary life, and to see ourselves in the light of this love.
I’ve since learned that a word that is chosen like this might be referred to as a focus word. Donna Ashworth, British poet, used this term on her Facebook post on 30th December, offering to provide a word for people signing up to her journaling group. As I wasn’t entirely sure what this term meant I looked it up, and found the following explanation from Clare Kumar (other definitions undoubtedly exist)-
choose one word to keep top of mind throughout the year as an overarching theme to serve as a powerful tool for focusing intention, guiding attention and ultimately shaping execution.
A word to keep coming back to, serving to focus our attention. Something positive to keep returning to- an anchor point, and a sense of coming home.
Was there a word that you kept coming back to last year, intentionally or not? I did not choose mine, but the word I kept returning to was ‘Trust’.
At the beginning of 2024 I stepped off a very high cliff that had provided stability for half of my life, but increasingly seemed to be crumbling around me. I was in free fall, hoping, if not yet fully trusting that something would catch me. In every moment of uncertainty, of which there have been, and continue to be many, I drew hard on the word, Trust. It was like an instruction. At other times a balm. Trust that things will work out, and keep taking the next breath, and the next step.
And so far, things have worked out. Somehow I landed in my own version of The Land of Oz, and the path I’ve taken since that fall, has twisted and turned in ways that I could never have imagined (needing to call on the gifts of the lion, tinman and scarecrow!).
There have been many endings and goodbyes. Since living in the colourful Caribbean island of Grand Cayman, it has slightly shifted my focus on Substack away from the one I’d intended. For example, I’ve shared much more of my journey here than I imagined I would, whilst trying to hold onto themes of creativity, writing for well-being, nature, and compassion, which were and remain, my intended focus. They may be too broad, or too narrow, but there’s no hurry, there’s time to tweak them. As with the turn of each new year, endings are sometimes the doorway to something new, painful and unwanted though they can be to pass through. I’m grateful for all of your engagement and support, however long you’ve followed or subscribed to me, and turning the page on a new year, I’ve inevitably reflected on the journey so far, and what direction I might want to take this year. Can it be summed up in a word, I wonder?
Saying farewell and welcoming in something new…
Do you have a word for 2025?
Whilst I am not entirely ready to let go of the word Trust, I’d like a new focus word for the year. There have been a few contenders, and I’ve enjoyed taking inspiration from the intentions of other Substackers and friends. For example,
posted a note 4 days ago, about her new year tradition of putting a post it note in a jar with one good thing that happened each week, then at the year’s end, looking back at them to remind herself of the things that the year brought. I remembered that in the past I’ve done this myself, and I’ve suggested a similar thing to a client but using sea glass. By the end of the year they’d created a kind of keepsake from good memories, with the beautiful filled jar as a tangible reminder. I wondered about other ways to adapt this idea and posted a reply to Amy with my idea of collecting all the times I was afraid of doing something, afraid of failing, and I did it anyway. By the end of the year I’d have a little jar of courage.After going to fuss the cats at the Humane Society today, I went up the steps to their book shop (for reading matter rather than lexical inspiration). To my surprise there had been an influx of modern poetry, and on the shelf I found three pristine poetry books by Donna Ashworth; Hope, Love, and Loss. Already armed with many other collections of poetry I put down the Haiku, and finally accepted that I probably only needed one of Donna’s for today. I chose Love.
The cover reads- Poems to Bolster Every Heart That Ever Beat. That sounds good to me.
Inside an untitled poem appears between the longer pieces, as if a palate cleanser amongst the heart-feast.
there is no such thing
as too much love
but your own
is all you truly need
Donna Ashworth
Poems offer a great medium for reflection. What they mean on the surface, and at the first reading, is rarely their whole truth. The fact they mean something different to the next person, or in the next moment, makes poems full of intrigue.
After my initial smile and a pause, I realised that I didn’t know if I entirely agreed with Donna. I then felt sure that I didn’t. Not entirely. Undoubtedly it is important to love ourselves, but without the love of others, many of us would soon die from loneliness. The importance of loving others, including strangers, or those we do not yet know, should not be underestimated.
I may not remember what I had for breakfast yesterday but the words of Professor Biza Stenfert Kroese in a lecture over 25 years ago, stick like superglue-
Everyone needs someone who is irrationally attached to them
Dr Biza Stenfert Kroese
Community
I have made some good friends here, but it takes time to find and be part of a wider community. In a conversation with a new friend over breakfast this morning she and I talked about the importance of community, and how I might be in community with Caymanians as well as expats. I think we share a conviction that no matter how much we make the surface shine, communities, whether in the UK or in Cayman, can only heal and thrive with fierce love for each other. What is fierce love? The type that goes deep and has potential to cross divides.
I know that poetry is not the answer, but I think it can be part of a solution. Some of the poetry that I came home with today is new to me, and two collections are by writers that I only discovered today; Donna Ashworth, Rupi Kaur, Beau Taplin, and Noor Unnahar. They are young- British, Indian / Canadian, Pakistani, and Australian.
In Noor Unnahar’s yesterday i was the moon, published by Clarkson Potter, I found this encouragement-
the kind people
are running this world
they don’t know how
their one little smile
has saved many lives
noon unnahar
So keep saving lives with your smiles.
But as we’ve been told by another great poet, Mary Oliver, you do not have to be good…(just) to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
In the words of the poet Beau Taplin,
As the rose is a rose
for both its flowers and thorns,
the complete human soul is both
devil and god.
After reading this, I seemed to find my word for the year- Imperfection. Like the poem earlier, to begin with it felt positive, and exactly right, but a different perspective arises as I sit a little longer. Why is it that I hear flower and thorn, devil and god, and I think of the imperfect, rather than something utterly perfectly human? Does acceptance sometimes conceal resignation, defeat and shame, rather than embracing all parts of ourselves equally, and with joy?
The thorny rose smells just as sweet.
Humans are the same, but we are too used to being told, and sometimes believing, that we will only be acceptable when we have cut our thorns off. When we wear the right clothes, and listen to the desirable music. When we do not have grey hair. When the lines have gone from our faces. When we are exactly the right size and weight. When we say exactly the right amount, at the right time, using the desired words.
We sometimes try to please others, recognising that people do not always like our thorny parts. But maybe we just need to let them. After all, whatever our thorns are, we have them for a reason. Most of us do not go out to rip people apart with our thorns, and feel bad when hurt is caused by brushing up too closely against us. What if instead of trying to be good we tried to be real? What if we celebrated that our thorns were part of us, rather than trying to cut them off?
The sad counterpoint to this is that many people also feel as if they need to hide the flowery parts of ourselves. Our beauty and nature, and our achievements, to avoid the envy of others. We can hide these away, thinking of it as protection, but never celebrating ourselves as whole. The butterfly knows that life is short and after all the time transforming, does not hide away from being beautiful.
Celebrations
My year began with spectacular and terrifying fireworks on the beach. Witnessing fireworks at every angle, people setting them off all along the west coast of Grand Cayman was an experience I will never forget, and a celebration like no other. I’m glad to get out unscathed! And whilst writing this, I remember I was taught a word today by my friend at breakfast. I sent a message to my phone, knowing that otherwise I would forget it.
Confelicity
A word so little known, that Substack redlines it as a spelling error. A piece of my soul cries to discover that it does not appear in the online version of the OED, but is in the Wiktionary.
Note- I further learn that synonyms are freudenfreude, naches, and compersion (but the latter one is more niche- feel free to look it up!)
I was not experiencing confelicity as the year turned. I was terrified by the wreckless actions that brought so much happiness to the people setting off the fireworks. I had to step outside of my fear, the conditioning of British safety videos I’ve grown up with, to get a different perspective on it all. Only once my anxiety had reduced (a tiny bit!) could I find pleasure in the wonder of it all.
So I’m going to contemplate these words for a few more days. I already find myself playing with them, and creating different meanings and possibilities…
Con felicity.
In perfection.
Whichever word I choose, I’m finishing with the word that came during my time in Grand Cayman, and a poem that creates an arc to the story of 2024.
In saying goodbye to all the things that I have lost this year there have been many challenges and pains, but there have been many blessings.
I hope to celebrate in all of our happiness this year.
Confelicitations to you!
The final sunset of the 2024, before the firework fiesta began.
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