The Mindful Christmas Story
#039 What will yours be?
One of the great things about being new to a place is that you notice things that other people have taken for granted. Now that I’ve been here for three months many of the things that made my eyes wide when I first arrived have started to become the norm. I am less surprised by the cars undertaking on the left as if on a Scalextric track rather than a road with laws, and on my commute to work this week I had to remind myself that the sea was just out of view beyond the building to my right. The island is narrow and the sea is never very far away, but the reality of Caribbean life is that most of us are typically sitting in a car and an office for the majority of the day, driving home in the darkening hour. It is easy to forget where I am (at times!).
Except for the Christmas decorations on the roundabouts and gardens. There is something quite marvellously Caribbean about them!
It’s Christmas party season here in Cayman, and I was invited to be the plus one at a friend’s do this week. On my drive there, I passed a large house lined with traffic cones and police signs. The lawn was covered in bright decorations, and most noticeably a flock of pink flamingos. Temporary structures also peppered the lawn, mysteriously surrounded by blue tarpaulin. I wondered if there was going to be a big new reveal… What more surprises can Cayman Christmas have up its sleeve to top pink flamingos?
An untraditional Christmas
Christmas is typically a time for family and traditions, so it is strange to be in a place where I have neither of those things. The exciting part of this is that I get to curate it but without the usual countdown cues there’s been something quite surreal about my Caribbean Christmas so far.
A photo popped up in my Facebook feed yesterday and I posted it as a memory. It made me smile, and I reposted it, thinking about how much has happened since this photo was taken, and how much was going to be different this year.
Photo of a decorated Christmas tree with gifts underneath, and just in front, a cat playing with a toy I was trying out to decide if it suitable for the young child I had in mind!
This photo was taken 9 years ago and I see so many stories within it.
Stories about that year, stories that have happened in the Christmases in between, stories about how I got to be where I am right now, and stories yet to be told about Christmas this year. I could write my own Christmas story of the ghosts of Christmas past, Christmas present and Christmas yet to come, and I’m sure you could do the same. You may wonder what my story of Christmas was like that year, or you may be imagining stories of your own. Our minds create stories without us even trying. Some of these will bring joy and comfort, and others may bring pain or uncertainty. Welcome them all- they form the jigsaw picture of our lives, and who wants a jigsaw with a missing piece?
There are many Christmas stories. The traditional ones that we hear about in church, or in movies, and in the collective unconsciousness, or used in advertising to sell products. Many more are being sold and told by teams and services and families, each trying to create a story that helps us get through the toughest moments. Not all of them reflect what is real, and that is ok, as long as we enter the Christmas period mindfully.
I’ve mentioned the group programme that I am running with adults with intellectual disabilities before. Not the content, just that it is DBT influenced (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy), with mindfulness at it’s core. I gain such a lot from it, and hope the group members do to.
Some of the content explores how readily our tricky minds create stories and how easily we can be tricked into believing these stories, as thoughts and feelings often seem like facts.
We can try something similar here, if you’re willing?!
Sit comfortably in your seat, and take a breath in through your nose, and slowly breathe out of your mouth.
Do this again. And a third time.
Are you feeling reasonably calm?
Scroll back up to look at that picture of the tree and the cat.
Take another couple of breaths as you do so. There is no hurry.
Just for now look at that picture for a few moments.
Have you done that?
Now, try to notice what is in your mind, and what you notice in your body.
I’ll ask some questions that might help, but you can skip these if they’re distracting. The aim is just to notice what comes up. No judgement. There’s no right or wrong response, we’re just noticing.
Do you notice any physical sensations?
Any emotional response?
Do any thoughts come to mind?
Have you imagined any sounds? Any smells?
Does it make you feel warm or cold?
Are you starting to make any judgements about the tree, and how it is decorated?
Do you have an emotional reaction to the cat?
Are you wondering what it is looking at. Maybe you are wondering why it has three legs?
Are you wondering about the white thing in the corner of the picture?
Did you try to identify what it might be?
Does your mind get gripped on questions, or details, or does it allow the experiences to come and go like clouds?
Please share some of what you noticed happening in your mind and body in the comments- e.g. any sensations, any stories you created, as it will really help with this mindfulness exercise!
Have you done it?
Thank you…
Now read what others have written.
What do you notice?
In case you’re one of the first and there aren’t many comments, I’ll share what typically happens when I do this kind of exercise…
Slowing down and paying attention means we notice how busy our minds are. We notice things that are happening in our body and mind, and experience it more intensely.
It doesn’t always feel comfortable to do this. Mindfulness isn’t always calming and relaxing, but the purpose is to just notice. Without judgement!
We see how much our minds can respond to a simple image, creating stories, or questions, or certainty, when there is often none. It is like an excited puppy flitting from one thing to another. If it does this in response to a photo, what is it doing in day to day life?!
We always get so many different responses, and multiple stories. Some are funny, some can feel sad, others are familiar and others surprising. Some have quieter minds that generate few stories.
All of this is ok, and the purpose is to notice, so we know our own minds and can make choices.
Never when I have done this kind of exercise before have all the minds and bodies experienced the same response, and generated the exact same story. Isn’t this wonderful?! This is why the arts are so wonderful- everyone brings their own mind-body to it!
So what??? you might ask.
I could answer that in many ways, but the point of this exercise in the therapeutic group programme is to provide a platform from which to identify the difference between facts and thoughts. It shows how a photo triggers many statements about what is happening, and how the characters in the image may have or may need to respond, and we can playfully demonstrate that none of this can be known.
For instance, we have no idea from looking at the photo whether it was actually taken at Christmas time, or if the cat’s curiosity meant that she knocked over the tower. I know both of these things to be facts, but only because I was there. For the observer of the photo, any stories are thoughts, feelings and beliefs.
And our brains don’t just do this when looking at a photo- they do it in every aspect of our lives. The human mind is wonderful and complicated- we are constantly trying to make sense of things, ultimately to feel safe, so we can thrive. Our minds get busy making stories and meaning and this is influenced by our past experiences, our culture, and qualities and characteristics that we were born with. We live every day making these judgements, acting as if they were true, often without realising it and sometimes it gets us into trouble. Mindfulness as a practice does not stop this, but it encourages us to pause, and to notice the stories and feelings, so we can bring a wise mind to navigate it all, and consider the best course of action.
Making your Christmas Story
For the many people who are alone or experiencing difficulties at Christmas, it can be a difficult time, especially when bombarded with stories and greetings of Happy Christmas, which is what everyone else’s Christmas supposedly is. Even if we have a positive time at Christmas, the rush of buying gifts, wrapping, buying the food and putting up decorations brings extra pressure in already full lives. Last week I wrote about self-care, and one of the items on the healthy platter was Time In. How often do we take this for ourselves?
This week I’ve been considering how mindfulness might help us to take Time In, and take ownership of our own Christmas story. We are probably all on Substack because we enjoy many of the positive aspects of our brain’s creativity. One of the reasons I started writing on Substack was because creative writing and creativity is something I associate with wellbeing, and something I want to do more of.
First we might try to notice the stories we are telling ourselves, and to notice what brings light. Manifesting can feel good. We can do this by writing about it, and creating more of the story we want. The Christmas story may have plenty of dark pieces, but we can look for and try to hold onto the light pieces that exist, and any more that can be added.
Fairy lights may be tiny, and they might flash and seem insubstantial, but they are beautiful in a dark room.
Where is the light in your story?
I’ve got my own Christmas party this weekend. We are being gifted a meal and much effort has gone into entertainment and crafts, and we only have to bring the a secret Santa gift, the appetisers, and (something new to me) 1 or 2 dozen cookies which we all swap!
I have been considering whether I can bring a British Christmas twist to this culinary invitation. Look what traditional fare I found in the supermarket…
Picture of familiar British Christmas treats in the Cayman supermarkets
In case you can’t read the details in the photo, there is a Waitrose No.1 12 Month Matured Christmas Pudding for $9.99, boxes of 6 Mr Kipling Deep Filled Mince Pies, and if you want something marketed as a bit more fancy there are boxes of 6 Waitrose All Butter Mince Pies for just $11.99 a box.
My fingers mistyped an interesting alternative at my first attempt- All better mince pies- was that the subliminal association they were going for, I wonder?
Our mince pies make it all better!
RICH. BUTTERY. BLISSFUL The side of the box promises.
With full stops to add emphasis- though I wonder where that last one went! Drifting off into a post feast snooze perhaps…
It definitely needs an ellipsis!
I’m drifting off into the day and have much to do. I suspect you might do to, but I invite you to take time to pause. To have a moment of Time In, maybe with mindfulness and noticing what stories you are getting caught up in.
What is the story you want to live out this year?
This weekend I’m going to stop to pause to consider just that.