Putting away the post-its
#040 A listless pause
Are you a person who makes lists?
I am.
I have a list for the things I need to do at home, and lists for the things I need to do at work. Some of these lists are on post-it notes, and others are in secure files on my computer. Oh, and there are some lists on my phone too, but I’m less good at looking at those. Even when they are combined with a reminder alarm.
Call me a luddite, but I prefer paper.
I’m a writer!
I like the act of writing notes out with my hand and seeing them in real life. I haven’t looked at the research but I’m sure there’s something about the act of writing that aids my executive functioning; the bringing to mind of what needs to be done, aiding the sequencing, and the retention. It helps me identify the things that need to be on the list, and then helps me to visualise the tasks, and plan what I might need to do, and in what order.
Of course the execution is then all down to me!
I’ve always been a visual thinker. I hold information in my mind using images better than I do words, so I think the act of writing helps me to visualise the list. If I were super organised I might have a system of different colours for different tasks. I remember some work colleagues who used to do this with their daily diary planners. They could see with a quick glance what types of tasks they had each day, and the colours made it easier to balance the report writing and client contacts across the week. Their to do lists were similarly colour coded, easy to make sense of from a glance, and aiding prioritisation. I wished I could develop and remember to use a system like that, yet I always return to the simple method of pen and paper.
Lists serve as a cognitive and emotional container- putting things from your brain onto the pages means that you don’t need to think about them any more. The tasks don’t repeat on loop, as you can trust that the piece of paper holds them for you until you can go back and look at it.
The paper version means I don’t have to go searching in computer files, I can see it, and with the ticks alongside. It tells me whether I have completed the jobs or not, and the size of the sheet of paper gives me a sense of how much I have on my plate. There is something very satisfying about ticking things off a list and feeling accomplished. It is also wonderful to be able to free up brain space for other things, and being in the moment.
What type of list-maker are you?! How did you develop this system? I fear I may be too old to develop a new system, but I’m curious about what works for other people.
Lists, lists, and more lists
This year I have been surrounded by lists. There is so much to do when navigating huge life changes, and lists have been a lifeline.
At times they have been a nag.
‘You need to do this and this and this and this and this…’
An incomplete list starts to nag a little louder. It’s satisfying to crumple up a post-it note and throw it in the bin, but only once it’s finished. That nagging voice can keep going, even if I can’t make out what it’s nagging about.
How is it that we can’t seem to get through it all?! It is not that we haven’t been doing anything!
Last night I put the to do list on the floor beside my bedroom door so that I would not forget to look at it at the beginning of my day. Near the list is the beanbag that I bought for work, now brought home for repair. It has been great for kids with ADHD and / or sensory issues. Wriggling and moving about in sessions helps them to meet their sensory needs and regulate their nervous system, with the result of maintaining better concentration and engagement in the difficult topics of emotions. That window of tolerance I’m written about before is kept a little more open, but sadly so are the zipper and seams!
Thus it is now on the bedroom floor as a visual reminder to get the needle and thread out. It is a second-hand beanbag with a few dodgy seams, and a zip that doesn’t tuck nicely into the fabric. Dodgy seams do not cope well with wriggly children, especially those with exploring fingers that like to poke and prod them. I need to shore up the seams to ensure we don’t have a clinic filled with beanbag ball snow. The warning I gave to a child filled their eyes will glee, so if I don’t do it, it is only a matter of time! Can you imagine..?!
But it hasn’t reached the top of my many lists yet…
An alternative Angel messenger
On Thursday I had my morning swim, body a little weary, mind a little distracted and clock-watching as I was expecting a friend to pop by to collect something. A mindful swim it was not. Until…
Overhead I spied the shape of the frigate bird. The most beautiful kite I have ever seen, soaring over me like a dark angel from a Philip Pullman story. I swam on my back, soaking in every moment. I spied no movements of its wings, a simple adjustment of it’s body in the sky and it floated over the sea with the Christmas breeze. Mesmerising.
The bird returned later that afternoon, flying in front of my window as I sat at my computer. A personalised fly by. Pulling me out of my head and into connection with nature.
I wish I could share even an image of this experience with you, but like the sunsets, it is impossible to capture just how it looks, let alone how it felt in that moment.
Peace.
I was stilled by its beauty.
(How can some people not care about nature?! I will never understand it)
The bird returned on Friday morning when I was taking my swim.
I paused my stroke and looked up again. My imagination soared fantastically beside the bird. Perhaps influenced by the Christmas stories surrounding us at this time, it seemed like an important messenger. A spirit animal. I wondered what wise message this Caribbean version of the Angel Gabriel was bringing to me.
Black, ancient, slow, lingering.
Beautiful.
The message in that moment was simply to pause and take it all in.
Perspective
On an island where some strive to buy a bigger boat and manage their assets, others do their ironing at night in a bedroom that they share with many children.
I turned over the tag on a beautiful cotton dress in a shop in Camana Bay yesterday and it was $328. I found a more simple cotton dress and turned over the tag to see $220. I have no idea if they have designer dress names, but I don’t think so. It was a simple, although stylish, every-day cotton dress.
It is very easy to lose perspective. We can choose to focus on what we have or what we don’t have.
I am reminded of the words of a man who I suspect has very little material wealth-
I am blessed. I woke up this morning and I have two legs that work.
What a wealth of wisdom he offers each time I say hello in the morning.
And so, having written my last two posts about self care, and surrounded by nagging lists of the things that need to be done, this week, I am going to be like that Frigate bird.
It is my first Christmas living overseas, and I need nothing more than to slow down and take stock of all I have done, and all that I have.
Briefly looking back at my photos from the past week contemplating this article, I was amazed at how much has happened in just 7 days. Our work Christmas party, my first trip on the bus, a trio of us singing the song I penned. I could create such a list of things!! And this week is nothing compared to what has happened in the last three months, the last 6 months, and the last year. What a list that would be.
A year ago I handed in my notice, leaving the security of the NHS, with no idea what would happen next. I could not have imagined that I would be spending Christmas on a tiny island in the middle of the ocean, having been thrown straight into hurricane season and surviving my ‘first term’.
There are many many ticks on my to-do list, as I am sure there are on all of yours.
Have we stopped and taken it all in?
Image- Christmas party ‘Ugly Sweater’ Competition, Caribbean style on the beach
Embracing the Caribbean pace
Yes! The Caribbean pace is supposedly slow and this is an invitation for us all to take opportunities to slow down more.
We have to shake our snow globes to create change. We have to shake it up to have adventures. But wow, it isn’t easy! Stepping into the uncertainty and chaos of it all, clinging to the life rafts of lists can help us feel in control whilst everything else swirls around in the snow globe of life.
I suspect it’s similar for all of you in different ways, but this year has been a hurricane. The new friends who have shared this adventure with me have all had their own hurricanes, and we have been swirling around trying to find our feet together. Propping each other up when we needed it, and laughing as much as we can.
There is a picture about mindfulness on the clinic wall at work- it is an image of a stormy scene, with dark black clouds in the sky. The words say something like the ‘emotions and thoughts are the weather, and we are the sky’. But I think we need something more solid that that. Too often we escape to our minds, which are a bit like the sky as they can disconnect from our bodies. It makes us more vulnerable to getting caught up in that swirling chaos that is the weather of life.
Instead I think that we need to think of ourselves as like the earth. Something solid. Or the tree rooted to the earth. The willow that is blown around by the wind, but that can weather the weather, and stays firm. The earth is holding us. we can experience the sky from a grounded place, less buffeted by the chaos of the weather. And after a while if we stop to look, we will see the blossom forming, and know that it has bloomed.
This is what I see in my profile picture, and is why I chose the words.
But how often do we pause and take it all in?
What are we striving for with our lists? Most of us have so much already.
Self care - what does that mean to you this Christmas??
There is so much we can do, and I’m sure like you, I’ve got many ideas of things I want to do this week, and lovely invitations to join celebrations with others, but the thing I need the most is to pause, breathe, and take a break from those bloody to-do lists.
‘Go with the flow’, a friend messaged me this morning.
And that is what I’m going to do; putting the lists aside for a few days. They will still be there in the new year, but for the next week I want to feel as free as the frigate bird.
Final thought-
It’s best to check whether the Secret Santa oven gloves are purely decorative.
Polyester melts at high heat…
List or no list?! Tell me what works for you?
Whatever it looks like in your home and mind over the next week, I’m sending my very best wishes and that you find the frigate bird magic this Christmas xxx